The Very Happy Snake
by PurpleOrangeTrees
Summary: While Harry Potter is fighting for his life in the Triwizard Tournament, Draco Malfy has made a new enemy in the sociopathic American transfer student. Zasha and her partner in crime, Diane, aren't going to let him forget them any time soon.
1. The Beginning of a Friendship

**Dearest readers!**

**I'm going to use quotes from the books as certain character's speech in certain scenes to make it more realistic. This is a fanfiction anyway and I'm pretty sure that's kinda the point.**

**Plus, there are hidden quotes from really random things. Some you'll get. some you won't. some you'll wish you did.**

**So-DISCLAIMER!  
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><p>I stood on platform 9 34 with my parents, smoke twirling around us with only five minutes left to board the red steam engine.

"It's just a new school Mom,"I reassured her,"It's not like anyone"s gonna die or anything."

"If anyone does end up dying,"my dad said,"just make sure you're not caught."

I laughed like always but Mom didn't(like always). She didn't find it funny for some reason that he'd actually meant it.

The new school was Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I was transferring there from The Salem Institute for Young Witches andWizards in Washington, US of A where we had lived most of my life.

At Salem I had only been known for my awesome heritage at first(mom Spanish and dad Korean English) but, with a lot of hard work, I had built myself an awesome reputation too. I wasn't worried about school like my mom assumed. I was worried about that all-so-important reputation that I was gonna have to figure out again. All I really needed was a good side-kick with some wit and good humor.

I don't know why my mom had been so worried. Dumbledore had explained how the houses worked and what would happen before and after I got off the train and brought a paper to sign for a place called Hogsmead and answered every question my parent's had. (My mom had signed only after reading everything but my dad would sign my life away without reading a word. He's just like that.)Dumbledore even went so far as to sort me with a hat and offer to accompany me to Diagon Alley, the wizarding alley of all magicalness, to get my things. I declined.

"We can write to you every week?"

"Look Mom,"I shiver at the thought of that,"If you don't send me letters every week I'll make sure to make some friends and not get into so much trouble I'm expelled again-deal?"

"I like those terms,"my dad shook my hand,"Remember, good soldiers follow orders rookie."

"It's not impossible to have too much of a good thing Dad."

"Every other week?"Mom persisted as Dad hastily lifted my bag up the stairs. two minutes left.

"Every month when there's something to tell that's worth my time."

"I love you."

"Good. I do too,"I jumped the steps,"Oh, and you too Mom."

The train ride was long and boring but I'll give you some back story. My name is Zasha Kan pronounced like Khan like Gengis Khan or something. Zasha is an incredibly Geto name but I'm named after my mom's best friend and that's where she'd grown up.

My family moved to London cause my dad got a job at some college I don't really care about. We'd been there for two months already. Time flies!

Neither of my parents are magic. It's not that bad cause Muggle stuff is kinda cool. I get to quote The Adams Family, dance to The Backstreet Boys, and hang out at the mall. What do wizarding kids do all day anyway?

When I hopped off the train in my Slytherin House robes and into the pounding rain what happened was exactly what I'd been told would happen. I was greeted by Hagrid and pared with a girl from Hufflepuff to ride to Hogwarts in a driverless coach. When we arrived, I just followed Slytherin to our table and that was that.

The sorting ended with 'Whitby, Kevin' who was place in Hufflepuff. I was hoping that Professor McGonagall wouldn't mention me and I could stay incognito at my place but, my luck was none.

"We also have a new forth year student with us this year,"she said while gesturing to me. Well, what else was I supposed to do? So I stood and bowed as she called my name,"Zasha Kan. She was sorted earlier this week and has been placed in Slytherin House,"she pronounced my name like 'can' though.

My table clapped and cheered, yelling 'we've got the new girl' as I sat again, pats falling on my back and arms. So, where's the food?

Professor Dumbledore stood, and I sighed,"I have only two words to say to you,"he said, spreading his arms wide,"Tuck in."

"Here, here!"I heard echo around the hall, among other things.

The plates filled before my eyes and I was delighted to see all my favorite foods, from meats to vegitables. The hall was filled with laughter and the scraping of cutlery on plates and platters. Salem was never this jolly. Maybe it was the name.

I looked up from the food I had piled on my plate(I hadn't had lunch) to look around the table at my new family. Immediately, a certain boy caught my attention. He had incredible light hair and his grey eyes were staring straight into mine. He smirked, giving me the impression he felt he ruled us all, and turned to talk to his friends. Like some silver haired prince waiting for his crown.

"Malfoy. Draco Malfoy,"the girl next to me had seen me looking. I turned and studied her instead. Mousy, brown, shoulder length hair;freckled, rosy cheeks;shining, large, green eyes. She was messy but cute and stood out from the rest of the Slytherins easily.

"Draco?"I asked sceptically,"As in dragon in Latin, Draco?Well, we'll have to see how ell he lives up to his name."

She snorted, pumpkin juice spilling from her nose. She was so a keeper.

"Don't let him hear you say that."

"Easily miffed huh? Well, this should be fun."

She raised her hand in front of us, pinky extended.

"Pinky promise you'll count me in on whatever you're planning for that boy."

Yep. Definitely a keeper. I promised her(duh).

"Diane Atkin,"she said,"We're the same year!"

"Cool!"I smiled,"Having a ready made friend will make this a lot easier for me,"she smiled back.

"Is your surname really Can?"

"No. My name is Kan!"

We discussed Hogwarts life until the small remains of the first course were demolished, the plates were magically cleaned, and the tables filled with a wonderful array of desserts. Then, we laughed and talked some more.

I learnt a lot more about Hogwarts than Dumbledore could've ever told me. She also told me about herself.

She lived in town way up north with her insane muggle family of two younger twin brothers who are physically impaired, dad who's addicted to crack, an aunt who's always bringing dunks home from the pubs, and her dad's parents who constantly smoke. Her mom was a witch but left seven years ago.

And she totally loves my American accent a lot better than her Scottish one.

She also lived part time with a wizarding foster family who have two kids-a girl our age and a boy a year older.

The girl, Sars, goes to Hogwarts but is in Gryffindor(ew), and the boy, Adam, goes to a school in France called Beauxbatons. She had to write down the name on a napkin because she couldn't pronounce it.

"How do you even? Boba-Toux?"I wondered allowed.

"Boba's tux!"

"I'd like to see Boba Fett in a tux."

"Yeah, me too. At the altar!"

She also had a big crush on Boba Fett.

When the cakes, pies, and puddings had all been heartily eaten the Headmaster got to his feet again(yay), and the voices int the Great Hall fell and then halted altogether.

The enchanted ceiling impersonated the stormy night and rain poured and pounded outside the castle. Safe inside, Dumbledore started speaking.

"SO!"he said,"now that we are all fed and watered, I must once more ask for your attention while I give out a few notices."

I sighed and rolled my eyes with Diane. _Notices_(you know what I'm saying).

"Mr. Filch, the caretaker, has asked me to inform you that the list of objects forbidden..blah, blah, blah,"I was getting seriously bored and it wasn't like I was going to follow those rules anyway.

"What!?"all the tables were exclaiming and whispering loudly between themselves.

"This is due to an event that will be starting in October,"continued the Headmaster(with me listening now),"and continuing throughout the school year, taking up much of the teacher's time and energy-but I am sure you will all enjoy it immensely. I have great pleasure in announcing that this year at Hogwarts-"

He cut off his long speech as the doors of the great hall opened with a bang and a clap of thunder. A man stood in the doorway, covered by a black travelling cloak and leaning on a long, gnarly staff, He lowed his hood as a flash of lightning eerily illuminated his long, grey hair.

I smiled. He seemed pretty cool. Dumbledore had said that there was a new DADA teacher in town. Excitement threatened to explode my chest as I thought hoe cool it would be to be taught by this guy. I've got a thing for the creeps.

"Are you fangirling?"Diane asked, snickering.

"Shut up."

He walked with a limp toward Dumbledore, his staff clunking with his wooden leg on every other step. With another sudden flash of lightening his face lit up and my eyes were brought immediately to his swerving blue eye. It seemed like a fish eye had been thrown at his face and decided to stay there, rolling continuously. Once, it decided for a change of scenery and flipped to look through the back of his scull.

He finally got to Dumbledore and they shook hands. Heavily scarred tissue met old, soft flesh as words were whispered. He sat in the empty seat on his left and used his knife to stab and savagely devour a sausage.

"May I introduce,"spoke Dumbledore, though no eye was on him,"our new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher("I knew it"), Professor Moody."

The hall was drowning in the silence as Dumbledore and Hagrid thought it a good idea to start clapping. They changed their minds fairly quickly.

As the silence built, Dumbledore remembered himself.

"As I was saying,"he tried to act as though nothing weird had interrupted him,"we are to have the honor of hosting a very exiting event over the next few months, an event which has not been held for over a century. It is my very great pleasure to inform you that the Triwizard Tournament is to take place at Hogwarts this year."

"You're joking!"said someone very annoyingly.

"I am not joking Mr. Weasely, though, now you mention it, I did hear an excellent one over the summer about a troll, a hag, and a leprechaun who all go into a bar-"

I groaned allowed as everyone else did inwardly but Professor McGonagall saved us with a loud cough.

"Er...but maybe this is not the time...no..,"I was glad to see the old man stumble in his embarrassment. Stupid old man.

"Where was I? Ah, yes, the Triwizard Tournament. Well, some of you will not know what this tournament involves, so I hope that those of you who do know will forgive me for giving a short explanation and allow their attention to wander freely."

Although I had no idea what this tournament was, I listened obediently to his last few words. I could learn all that some other way if the desire suddenly took me. It felt like half an hour before noise penetrated my ears. I stood with the rest of the school and turned to look at Diane. She was smiling widely and pointed at Malfoy.

I could feel the loathing radiating off of him and his face was contorted in such a way that it managed to make him look worse than normal.

"What did I miss to which I owe such perfect disgust?"

"You can't enter the tournament unless you're at least seventeen."

"It's just a stupid tournament."

"A thousand Galleons though! And to the cup for Hogwarts?"

"I'm not so attached to this place yet. And it's just a thousand Galleons."

"Are you sure you're a Slytherin?"

"I'm just saying that it's a waste of time, you could steal the money more easily. That's all!"

"Quiet!"the Prefect at the head of our school of little fishes was attempting to open us our dorm.

"Where's the door?"was it the picture?

"Curfew,"the picture swung open.

"Oh,"it was.

"Hey,"Diane nudged me in the ribs,"The picture swings open at curfew...get it?"

"Was that supposed to be funny?"

"Yes."

"Then I didn't get it."

Basically, I found my dorm, I ignored the other girls there, and I dreamt dreams of rainbows and unicorns. You're welcome for not boring you with pointless stories of sleep. But I will tell you one thing of satisfaction. I was happy. And I even ended up laughing quietly at Diane's stupid joke.


	2. A wonderful point is made

We got our timetables at breakfast from Professor McGonagall.

"Care of Magical Creatures with the Gryffindor kids again,"comments Diane,"we get that every year!"

"Why's that so bad again?"

"1- they're the Gryffindor kids, how's it not? And 2- PGW."

"Philadelphia Gas Works?"

"Potter, Garanger, Weasley."

"Mine's better."

The many noises owls make(and I'm way too lazy to specify) filled the great hall. Salem never did this either.

"At Salem they handed out our mail by hand."

"That sounds like an oddly boring school."

"We didn't have a crazy old man for a headmaster. I got expelled twice out of protest."

I looked over at Malfoy with his treats of love, brought by an owl I really wanted, from who I imagined to be a mushy mother. He was laughing with his clan of handicaps and stuffing his face little with cauldron cakes.

"You know what?"I turned back to my more interesting friend.

"I don;t know any what."

"What?"

"I don't know."

"Ok. I've decided that I must now be dubbed the queen of Hogwarts."

"Ok and what?"

"I'm giving myself that title and it's been created for the inconvenience of the little bugger sitting over there."

"So, what?" You're planning on taking Malfoy's crown?"

"He's not the king here anymore. And you're going to be my sidekick- The Plan Master!"

"Besides the stupid name, I'm in."

"My names are too good for your acceptance."

Nothing else of interest happened our next class except the teacher being a ghost and Diane telling me what to expect from Malfoy and his goons.

"That's Crabbe and that's Goyle. They're both bauble-heads and won't be able to understand your quips. That's Zabini. He's pretty smart but he'll just laugh his head off. And that's Parkinson. She's obsessed with Malfoy so is in the same category as the two big ones.

"Oh, and Malfoy himself will try to make friend with you. 1- you're popular. 2- you're really hot."

"Least you're not shy."

Well, I won't lie. I was hot and I was popular. Most people had never heard an American accent and seemed to be slightly obsessed with it. Why? They're human children, what would I know?

"So, wha'do'ya recon?"

"He'll play it cool for a while so he doesn't seem desperate but then he'll try to bring you in. Some time when you're alone most likely and when he's not busy."

"Set up?"the bell tolled.

"Lunch. We can go to the courtyard and you'll sit by yourself."

Care of Magical Creatures was our next class. I was interested in this one. Hagrid supposedly taught it so I doubted it would be any good but PGW sounded full of potential.

When we Slytherins arrived at Hagrid's hut, the Gryffindors were already there and chattering among themselves. At Hagrid's feet were topless boxes full of small sounds and odd smoke.

"And why would we want to rase them?"Malfoy asked back to whatever Hagrid had just said,"I mean, what do thery do? What is the point of them?"

(OMG! That's what I'm constantly pointing out about you humans!)

I wasn't really interested int his little squabble. I was more interested of what _they _were and if I should be afraid of them?

_They _were Blast-Ended Skrewts and were probably nothing to be afraid of. This lesson was made up of tempting the(potential killer machine) things and around ten minutes in I found out how totally incapable of teaching this half-wit half-giant when he suddenly revealed that the females were blood sucking and the males had stings. Guess health and safety weren't on the #1 list of that school.

"I'd like to have a sucker thing too so that I can leach out a certain person's life,"I hissed angrily to Diane as we walked back to the castle for lunch break. Was I gonna have to put up with this every week?

"Last year he had a Hyppogryph that broke Malfoy's arm."

"Did it get a medal?"

"It was executed because Mr. Malfoy couldn't stand the taste of justice."

"Did the kid cry back home?"

"Quite literally."

We didn't have long to happifie me with our little plan so just decided on skipping lunch. I probably wouldn't be able to eat anyway. It was as though the butterflies in my stomach were attempting a high-scale breakout. I was so exited to show off the one useful skill I was born with.

It seemed like forever until Malfoy was walking towards me with Crabbe and Goyle. I exchanged a knowing look with Diane across the lawn.

"You're the new girl, right?"he asked in his annoying, posh voice.

"What does it matter to you?"

He sniffed haughtily,"Well, don't act like that, I know you are."

"Then why'd you ask?"

He ignored that,"Draco. Draco Malfoy,"it seemed he wanted me to shake his hand. Psh, humans.

I practicably looked him up and down,"Mother nature could've done better,"and shrugged,"I'd recommend your friends to count their brain cells regularly. It should only take a few seconds for you lot really."

Malfoy was opening his mouth angrily and drawing his wand but my objective was complete. I stood and walked back towards Diane, who had been waiting to disarm him, blocking out Malfoy's words so beautifully full of hatred for me.

"Like music to my ears,"I said to Diane,"I think that a wonderful point was made today."

My smile widened. I was going to take this crown, fictitious or no, and everyone else was roadkill on my way.


End file.
